Thursday, October 21, 2010

Joe the Teabagger Campaign Death Spiral Watch - Day 11: Joe Miller Sues His Own Dad

In a development that surprised many, Joe Miller announced early Thursday afternoon that he is suing his own father, Rex Miller, for divulging confidential information about the younger Miller that relates to the son's job performance while employed by the Fairbanks North Star Borough. Here's Miller's statement, read by the U.S. Senate candidate as he was joined by his new attorney, Tomas von Anthony Brown, esq, formerly a prosecutor for the East German government:

My father violated my confidence by sharing what nobody else knew about me. Well, actually, maybe he made it up. Maybe not. I'm not going to tell you. And if you keep asking me, I'll have you arrested.

The information Rex Miller released was in my personnel file. Or maybe not. Or maybe he heard his information from Jim Whitaker. Certainly not from me.

I'm asking that my dad pay all my legal fees, the balance of my college loans, and my alimony when I finally break the news on........

Uh, where was I?

Oh, yeah. My dad could not have possibly discovered that, as he wrote, "one noon hour, on his own time at the borough, Joe participated in an online poll voting against Randy,” without consulting with Whitaker or other treacherous Fairbanks employees.

My dad went on to make this up: “He used four office computers in the office to do it, thinking this was his chance to boost numbers to get rid of Randy. He emptied the cache files on the computers so the users wouldn’t know what he had done."

I wouldn't have done that. It would have been a Federal crime. So, not only is my dad collaborating with Jim Whitaker and others who are working for Lisa Murkowski, he's making shit up out of thin air.

If I have to, I'll pursue my own dad to the gates of Hell to get back at Lisa Murkowski, Jim Whitaker and those 40 treacherous Commie Republicans.

I can guarantee you that my East German friends, and the outstanding professionals at Drop Zone International Security Services - who have a big future, by the way, in a Joe Miller-controlled U.S. Senate - are watching all of you.

Very, very closely.

I may sue you too.

All of you.

At the conclusion of the press conference, a few reporters noticed Miller fingering a couple of stainless steel marbles in the palm of his hand, as he nervously looked around the crowd.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I read the title to your post and went, "Oh, no! He's not suing his father, now, is he?"

Joe Miller is so crazy, for a second, I thought this was actual news being reported. That is one boatload full of crazy.

If anyone is still thinking of voting for this loon, then I'm afraid for Alaska. I'm also afraid of Miller's goons who are evidently trying to carve out sections of Alaska to lord over with their individually managed militias. Also, too, they might seek revenge on those who would dare to criticize Miller.

Everything is NUTS, right now!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I love the Captain Queeg reference...(didn't even have to look at the photo/video to know what you were referencing). You so totally nailed it. "Old Yellowstain"

Philip Munger said...

Old Yellowstain, indeed. Heh

nancydrew said...

You are reporting for the Onion, correct? That's how I felt when I read the NYT headline about Virginia Thomas and her voicemail to Anita Hill. This entire year has been so bonkers, it's hard to tell spoof from truth. Maybe that's by design. Are we worn out enough yet to give up caring--and then the patients can just take over the asylum and we'll all get back to "shopping." Can all of these people seriously be wishing to move to D.C. and report to their committee assignments? "Mr. Brownshirt Goes to Washington."

Anonymous said...

Perfect!

sallyngarland,tx said...

Palin needs to be tied to all her extremist endorsements. The Dallas Morning News is reporting that Palin endorsed(Sept on FB) candidate Stephen Broden(R-Tx-Dallas)said he "would not rule out violent overthrow of government" and "violent overthrow is on the table." He has been on Fox many times and has tons of videos on YouTube.
(I can't post the Dallas Morning News link from this Ipod.) Palin seems to get a pass on some of these extremists. I feel she is responsible for these people coming out and spewing their hatred since she went across the US with her hateful mouth in 2008--and has never stopped.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised that you haven't mentioned section 12.4 of the Alaska State Constitution.

Section 12.4 - Disqualification for Disloyalty.

No person who advocates, or who aids or belongs to any party or organization or association which advocates, the overthrow by force or violence of the government of the United States or of the State shall be qualified to hold any public office of trust or profit under this constitution.

AKjah said...

Miller has been in a free fall. Now the division of elections is totally fucked. Which brings the Parnell admin to question. The fan has found the shit.

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Anonymous said...

It seems odd you keep referring to it as a "death (spiral) watch". Maybe Joe should be checking you out and see if this is a veiled threat on his life.

Philip Munger said...

It is not a "veiled threat on his life." I hope Joe Miller lives a long, happy life, far, far away from any positions of power or authority.

Kevin said...

Nice try Anonymous at 6:25 am. If you can read, it's "Joe the Teabagger Campaign Death Spiral Watch," i.e., the death of Joe's campaign, not Joe. But enjoy your paranoia. Ask around, and I'll bet you'll find people who will tell you that Phil remembers old scores and encourages violins.

Philip Munger said...

sheesh, Kevin.

piccolo blow, eh?

anon @ 6:25 is just another teabagging bassoon.

Anonymous said...

Paging Phil.

Your question for Joe has been asked. About the disability.

And this is posted at Wonkette.

'Alaskan Senate hopeful and semi-bearded teabagger Joe Miller literally ran away from a question about his disabled-veteran status during last night’s “Meet and Greet” session in Anchorage. In a roomful of 50 people — most supporters and well wishers — Miller was asked what to identify his service-connected disability and his official “percentage disabled.” Panic swept over Miller’s sweaty face.