Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Joe the Teabagger Campaign Death Spiral Watch - Day 9.3 - Joe's Farewell Address

Lying, Cheating, Hacking:

Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what I have become, what the Tea Party is, what you will suffer, should you elect me. They are your rallying points: to build fear when common sense seems to fail; to regain faith in the Koch Brothers when there seems to be little cause for faith in common men and women; to crush hope when hope becomes forlorn.

Unhappily, I possess neither that eloquence of diction, that poetry of imagination, nor that brilliance of metaphor to tell you all that they mean. But my mouthpieces do.

The unbelievers will say they are but words, but a slogan, but a flamboyant phrase. Every pedant, every demagogue, every cynic, every hypocrite, every troublemaker, and I am sorry to say, some others of an entirely different character, will try to downgrade them even to the extent of mockery and ridicule.

They've mocked me for not disowning Tea Party Express racists.

They've ridiculed me for tweeting that Murkowski hacked the primary.

They've jeered me for texting that Murkowski was a whore, as I caused a three-car accident that could have badly hurt someone.

They've insulted me for blaming my resulting citation on political enemies.

They've sneered at me for manipulating state law to pay less than the price of a six-pack to hunt.

They've poked fun at me for lying on my application for obtaining a low interest agricultural loan for land I never intended to develop.

They've shown contempt toward me for hiring my wife inappropriately as my magisterial assistant, laying her off and then helping her get unemployment to help feed our kids who were already getting free state and Federal money from Denali Kid Care.

They've taunted me for looking for prime office space and equipment in Washington DC, and then tweeting about it after an awesome evening on the town.

They've teased me for filing my senate personal disclosure statement almost a half year late. They're now scorning me for what they see in its minutae.

They've viciously kidded me for illegally hacking my colleague's computers, then attempting to destroy traces of my crime.

They're laughing at me for praising the efficiency of East German security infrastructure.

They're hooting at me for hiring soldiers - in violation of the Hatch Act - who weren't even licensed to guard me at a public facility, who obviously didn't know what the fuck they were doing.

They're needling me for lying about almost every single item above. And cruelly pounding me for falsely bearing witness about this again and again and again.

But these are some of the things they do.

They don't understand what drives me.

I'm here to destroy basic character.

I'm running to mock future roles as the custodians of the nation's defense.

I'm here make corporations like the Koch Brothers strong enough to know that when you are weak, and brave enough to face yourself when you are afraid, they'll tear the shit out of you.

My new corporate masters will teach you to be unproud and bending in your honest failure, but humble and gentle in my masters' success.

They will give you a temper of their will, a quality of their imagination, a vigor of their emotions, a freshness of their deep springs of death, a temperamental predominance to bow in utter timidity.

They will create in your heart the sense of terror, the unfailing fear of what next, and the sadness and poverty of life and the human spirit.

They will teach you in this way to be a slave and a willing beast of burden.

[This paraphraase of Gen. Douglas MacArthur's famous speech, Duty, Honor, Country was inspired by Wednesday's Anchorage Daily News Our View Editorial, titled Remember the Code?]

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