My New Business Model Put on Hold

This morning, I found out about a fairly new, expanding company, Earth-Bound Pets, that offers saintly Christians who might be raptured the opportunity to not have to worry about Fido, Rex, Sylvester or Tweetie, after the Lord has called them up into the Heavens:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 22 states. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

We currently cover the following states:
Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, North Carolina, and Georgia.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals. [Please note: we can now offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in NH,VT, ID and MT ]

Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.

So, I wrote to them:

Dear Eternal Earth-Bound Pets,

I live in Wasilla Alaska. I doubt the rapture will take me. But there are hundreds of people in Sarah Palin's home town who are sure they're on the good list. Do you have franchises available?

Bart wrote back about 30 minutes later:

Dear Phil,

Thank you for your interest in becoming a pet rescuer.

We have received thousands of inquires from people applying to becoming pet rescuers. Unfortunately at this time we are not aggressively expanding our area or pet rescue teams, wanting to keep tight control during our start up phase. However, I will keep your email on file for consideration should we decide to expand into Alaska.

Yours in reason,

Bart
aka Dromedary Hump

Darn! What if it happens tomorrow?