Wednesday, April 6, 2011

This One's For You, Bud Bob

I was already out of the Army, shortly before I turned 21. I got in early. While in the Army, we drank. A lot. And legally. We also smoked a lot.

They practically gave this stuff away to the young soldiers. Cigarettes were $2.00 a carton. Beer was just as cheap. At Ft. Lewis, we even had a bar in the basement of our barracks! You could buy a six-pack of Olympia beer for 50 cents. You had to take it back to your table and drink the whole thing. The barracks bar was full from about 6:00 every evening until they closed at 11:00.

A lot of young soldiers were getting killed near Ft. Lewis, driving around drunk. Three were friends. A lot of the young soldiers who got their first cheap smokes in the Army have since died from the diseases they contracted from that accursed addiction. Several were friends.

I've even had a few drinks with Rep. Bob Lynn. Back in the 1990s, I played a few jazz gigs in Anchorage, the Valley and Girdwood with Bob. Like most people, I've always liked Bob. He used to like me too. Not anymore.

He might like me less after this essay.

Rep. Lynn, why do you keep wasting our fucking time and money down in Juneau. One week it is anti-Sharia Law, as if mosques are popping up all over the place in Eagle River. Then it's supporting a guy for the Alaska Judicial Council who wants to criminalize pre-marital sex. Now it is your bill supporting lowering the drinking age for people in the armed forces from 21 to 18 in Alaska.

When you and I were in the military, 18-year-olds could drink on post or off post. Now you want young soldiers to be able to drink off post. What happens when they get back on base, Bob? Will you immunize them from an Article 15 also? No you won't, because you can't. But, should your bill pass, if a kid takes advantage of your bill's party opportunity at the Whaler on Muldoon and drives a mile to the Elmendorf gate, and blows .01, he or she is busted, Bob. Not .08.

What a stupid fuck. All these bills you're supporting aren't just dumb, they aren't going anywhere. You've become a pathetic legislator, a much a waste of time as these ridiculous bills. You should consider leaving public service.



Stuart said...

Don'tyagetit? Bob and Carl are sitting down there in Juneau with nothing to do for 90 days when all of a sudden they read on Fox News about some really neat legislation and they say, "Boy, we could use that up here." Next thing ya know they got their staff working on something really important for a change and the news people are taking them seriously when everybody who watches Gavel to Gavel can see them sleeping during session day after day. Maybe, just maybe they need a longer session so they have more time. Yea, that's it, more time.

Philip Munger said...


If only it weren't true.

Anonymous said...

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

It's the boy and girls from ALEC.
They let these legislators know what the latest shiny objects are.

This year- "Save Our Nation No Sharia" and "Young Soldiers Should Buy Booze Not Education" bills.

Next year look forward to "Drunk Driving Laws Are Socialism In Action- The Person You Just Killed Was Probably UnAmerican Anyway" and the "Reform All Kangaroo Courts- Remember the Alaska Citizens Militia" bills.

The survey results already indicate that many of Bob and Carl's voters can be convinced to support these bills. Even non drinkers are worried about socialist drunk driving laws. Promote the collective public good and safety?!? YIKES. Interfering with the free markets for underage and excessive alcohol consumption?
Even worse. Sounds foreign and dangerous.