Saradise Lost - Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-One -- Gryphen's Top Ten List

Now that the Branchflower Report is public, Gryph's top ten list of reasons to get it public has been superseded by the report itself. But Gryphen's list is a great example of how Alaskans have mustered many tools, including humor, as the Alaskans for Truth fought the Truth Squad to a standstill.


Here's the list:

10: Maybe once the report comes out people will stop naming their pitbulls “Sarah” and making them wear lipstick. Because that is just all kinds of wrong.

9: It will give Meg Stapleton the opportunity to stop lying about Walt Monegan and Troopergate, and to start lying about why Sarah Palin got her ass handed to her in the Vice Presidential debate.

8: If it doesn’t come out then what will Alaska Progressive bloggers write about all weekend?

7: This investigation has cost Alaskans $100,000. The last time Alaskans spent that kind of money with nothing to show for it, was on exotic dancers and cocaine back in the oil drenched 1980’s

: Because the McCain campaign does not want the report to be made public, and when was the last time ANYBODY told Alaskans not to do something and we listened?

5: Once this report is finally out we can all stop pretending to like Dan Fagan.

4: The report will undoubtedly convince the Palins that they need to return home where surely they will be inspired to add yet another offspring to their brood, perhaps this one to be named “Phlegm Palin”?

3: It will allow Alaskans to stop focusing on this distraction and get back to watching for Russians trying to come over the border so that we can shoo them back to where they belong.

2: Once it is released perhaps it can be given as reading material to poor little Bristol Palin who apparently is secreted, along with Cathy Baldwin-Johnson and hockey stud Levi Johnston, in a secret vault deep under the White House, or in a bear cache in the wilds of Wasilla, until her mother’s doomed run for Vice President comes to an end. And the number one reason why it is imperative for the Troopergate report compiled by Stephen Branchflower to be made public?

1: It will clear the name of Walt Monegan and make his mother, possibly the sweetest woman in Alaska, very happy. I mean just look at her, how can anybody not want to see justice done for her son?